But it's funny how our mind holds some things to such high esteem and in reality at any given moment something else says so much more to us at the time. I also found a picture of you doing a wheelie. I don't remember the picture but, man, it's awesome. It totally makes me think of the similarities you and Fionn hold. So today that one is my favorite. There is one too of you from the last Christmas we shared together. If I could put that smile into the Christmas village picture I would. And you were smiling over razors!
There's a picture of you, Matt and Grandma on your trip back east. You all look so poised. And there's another one of the popular golf bag and clubs Christmas present but this one has Grandad too and your expression is priceless.
I also found the pictures of the funeral, a concept that will never settle well with me. You should have seen our faces. So strong or maybe even frozen so as not to shatter, yet so, so deeply sad. I can remember when mine shattered. I had wanted them to play Tears in Heaven during the funeral and they told me there wasn't enough time to with all the other specific requests. I was really disappointed. And then, out of the blue, there it was playing, but I hadn't expected it, and I just cried. I couldn't hold it in anymore. I'm crying now too. I heard that song on the radio on Friday when leaving the parking lot at Fionn's school. I was crying and thinking to myself, that if you ever really love a song and you want to keep loving it, then don't play it at a funeral. You'll always be reminded of being there and feeling the way you did.
Is that what I've been doing all these years, trying not to shatter? But every so often a few pieces start to fall and I'm left scrambling to pick them up and glue them back on before more and more and more fall off. By now I think the adhesive is old and it just isn't going to hold up. The door to my creative soul has opened and its coming out.
So without further ado here's the pics I told you about, sans the funeral ones.
Anyway, I did some sketches I'll tell you more about another time. I also found the books that hold the primary sketches that started all this thirteen or fourteen years ago.
Love,
Gabby
