I Bought Fionn a Nerf Gun

Dear Mike,

I never thought I'd do it but I bought Fionn a Nerf gun.  I have been 100% anti-gun since you died.  I don't know what I was before but I was totally ANTI-gun after.  When we were going through the process of checking this school out for Fionn, attending Free School 101, applying, interviewing, attending experience days and then deciding to give it a shot I was aware I was going to have to step out of my comfort zone if he was going to attend the school that seemed to be the best fit for him.  I learned that in the current culture of the school a popular game was zombies and the kids used toy guns with no ammunition.  They had rules about playing with guns...you can only point at someone if it's okay with them and there was no use of ammunition ie. suction darts, or other foam bullet type things.  I actually thought the rules were reasonable.  I also recognized that my extreme sensitivity to guns was because of my personal experience, not Fionn's or probably anyone else's at the school.  I didn't think it was fair for him to miss out on a potential wonderful, perfect for him opportunity because I was hypersensitive.  So, I decided to be okay with him playing guns at school according to the rules and maintaining out rules at home.  At home there is no pointing guns (or gun like gestures or things) at people.

But just the other day I saw we may have to enter a new level.  Fionn has adjusted well at school and while it has taken some time, probably do to his infrequent attendance, he has made some real connections at school and has a few friends.  He was invited to a birthday party.  It's a Nerf Gun War theme...bring your own Nerf guns and ammunition.  Playing with Nerf guns and no ammunition is one of his favorite things to do at school with friends.  I wanted him to be able to attend and participate with the others.  I want him to feel like he belongs.  So I bought him a Nerf suction dart gun and he'll have one to use at the party.

Afterwards, I still couldn't believe I did it.  ME...buy him a toy gun.  I'm okay with it though.  I recently told him how you died.  I didn't go into much detail but he knew you were shot with a gun.  He was sad for me...that my brother had died.  I left it at that.  But, I think it's important too for anyone playing with toy guns to know that real guns DO kill people.

I am still anti-gun.  No one will will ever convince me that it's a good idea to carry a gun or keep a gun at home.  I will never be comfortable around guns.  I will never cross the line into supporting guns for sport for my family.  But, I can support my kids playing toy guns with friends within the parameters we've agreed on.  And most of all, I can support their having and experiencing wonderful opportunities in this world despite my hyper-sensitivity.  So, while I realize some may feel guns for sport or protection might be a wonderful experience, I also know it might not be too and that's a risk I'm not willing to take.

Love,

Gabby